Wednesday, July 14, 2010

This is just awful.

It's almost 2am and I can't sleep because there is a SCREAMING baby in the other room. And I think it is literally breaking my heart. I just want to go in there and pick him up and love on him and comfort him and help him back to sleep but instead I'm in here trying to find anything to distract me. I'm deliberately denying his cries for me and it is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt in my entire life.

When I was pregnant I just knew I would get my baby on a strict schedule as soon as he was born. I am a type A person and really thrive on routine, and I wanted the same thing for my baby. I didn't want him to be dependent on me or anything else to comfort and sooth himself to sleep and I even read a couple of books all about sleep training. Then he was born and that plan flew right out the window.

Problem is, Harrison is just as stubborn, if not more, than I am. And Harrison doesn't like to sleep. And I am a sucker for the crocodile tears streaming down his cheeks. It just feels unnatural to hear him in there wailing and screaming and crying and getting so worked up that he sounds like he's hyperventilating. It makes me want to do the same thing. And it makes me feel like a terrible mom.

But he's 7 1/2 months old and still waking up several times every night. He's tired and grouchy during the day because he's not getting enough good sleep. I took him to the pediatrician today because I thought he had an ear infection, but his ears checked out just fine. Her unofficial diagnosis? A cranky, sleep-deprived baby. And then she suggested that I try to let him cry it out, and promised me that it would most likely take no more than three nights and he'd be sleeping soundly and peacefully through the night. Rick suggested that we give it a try, and so I begrudgingly agreed.

Tonight is Night 1, and I'm hating every second of it. I'm trying to remind myself that this is for the best and the benefits will far outweigh three nights of misery, but it's hard. Is he spoiled? I don't know, maybe. Can you even spoil a baby with comfort and love? I'm not sure anymore. I used to think so, but then he was born and my opinions got all jumbled and confused and instincts set in and instincts never told me to ignore my upset baby. But does he -- do all of us -- need to get better sleep? Absolutely. So I'm taking the doctor's advice and resisting the urge to run in there and swoop him up into my arms. And it's taking every last ounce of self control.

Did I mention that this is awful?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i know it is hard... my babies slept... took after their mom...good luck on holding out. bama will come relieve you if need be... sneaking into the room to hold the brat... now i have four brats...i thought yours would hold out a little while... love them all... mary

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