Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Sometimes you just have to stop to smell the roses.

Or in this case, wildflowers.







I have a lot I want to blog about but it's just gonna have to wait a little while longer. After a 7-day unplanned (and very unprepared for) trip including approximately 30 collective hours in the car with two bitties, it's safe to say that we are all in need of some decompressing and recharging! The funeral was beautiful, which I plan to write about later. It was great to see friends and family and I owe the world to "Aunt Tienya" and "Uncle Tony" for letting us invade their calm and serene and kid-free and BEAUTIFUL house for an entire week. But boy is it good to be home!

I have a prayer request I'd like to add. My uncle and Rick's aunt are both in ICU. Ken was admitted a week ago today for liver enzyme issues and he was put on dialysis a few days later. It came on very suddenly and from what I understand he is in very critical condition but is slowly making progress). They are trying to get him stable enough so he can fly back to California where he lives (he is in Oklahoma right now since he flew in for the funeral). And Laura had a heart attack on Friday. She's gone through 2 surgeries so far (I believe the first was a single bypass and the second was to repair damage). Every day she's improving but I think she still has a long road ahead of her. If you think about it, we would so appreciate you lifting them up in your prayers. Thanks!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Home

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. 
Revelation 21:4

I lost my grandma today. I don't know all of the details but I am all packed up and the kids and I will be leaving tomorrow at 4am to make the 9 hour drive up to Oklahoma to be with family. I've cried so many tears because no matter how prepared you think you are, the sting of death is still so painful.

I should be sleeping but my mind won't stop running. My coping mechanism with grief seems to be through coming up with a game plan and taking care of details and while that's a good distraction in the short term, it sure isn't compatible with falling asleep at night. It's so hard not to dwell on my regrets. Like how I should have picked up the phone and called her a few days ago when I realized I hadn't talked to her in a while instead of telling myself I'll just wait for her always dependable phone call on my birthday this week since she has never once missed it. Like how I should have paid closer attention and written down some of the stories she's shared with me over the years because I will never hear them again and some of them have already faded from my memory. Like how I should have listened to Rick when he suggested we take the kids up to visit her over Christmas instead of insisting we wait until summer when Harper is bigger. She never got to meet her and that breaks my heart.

Do you ever feel like God gives you signs? I haven't been able to make it to church in almost 2 months since Harper has been sick. We almost didn't go today. Rick hurt his back over the weekend and we were already running behind schedule, but I really felt God pushing me to get us out the door. The sermon was entirely about Heaven. It was a great, encouraging message of truth and I was unexplainably emotional through it. I had tears running down my face and I had no idea why but I felt certain God was whispering comfort to me. And hour later I got the phone call that my grandma had died. I miss her deeply already. But through my tears there is also great joy. Joy in that the very first moment her life ended she was in the very presence of Christ. Joy that she no longer knows pain. Joy that she is home.

Yancey referenced a C.S. Lewis quote this morning in his sermon and while I'm grieving I can't help but smile thinking about it. All her adventures have only been the cover and the title page: and now she is beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has ever read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Bullseye the baby.

Alternately titled, I eat him!

I walked in on Harrison "feeding" his sister's baby doll this afternoon and it was all I could do to keep from busting out in laughter. The good news is he's too young for any psychological damage...at least we hope. :)

He has been so funny today. He's been carrying "Bullseye" around with him doing all the things he sees me doing for Harper. But I've been cracking up because while he's "nurturing" a baby doll he has been doing it in total boy fashion. He fed it cheerios...but then tossed it out of the high chair onto the tile below and gobbled the snacks up himself. He pushed it in a stroller....but then raced it around making race car noises and sent the stroller tumbling in a tragic rollover accident, all the while giggling and cheering. He "fed" it and sang to it...but as you'll see in the end of the video, he also thought it would be sweet to take a big bite out of its forehead. Ha!




Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Fragments

I am tired but find it impossible to fall asleep until I hear the comforting sound of the garage door opening telling me that my sweetie made it home safely. My brain is pretty mushy and I don't really have anything cohesive to contribute tonight. Plus, there is a good chance I am high on paint fumes so instead of writing about anything that requires thought or effort I'll just throw some random blurbs along with a bunch of pictures!

-I don't huff paint, in case you were wondering. We are having our house repainted and I am super duper excited to get rid of our "tuscan" color scheme gone wrong...or what I like to call School Bus Yellow. We drove all over town getting paint samples. We analyzed. We scrutinized. We chose a color. We had second thoughts. We drove all over town getting more paint samples. We over-analyzed a bunch more. And then we went back to our original choice. It's crazy to me how different the little paint chips look on the wall; on paper the colors look way more similar. We ended up going with the second row, farthest to the right square, otherwise known as Shaker Beige. The second coat is going up tomorrow but I already love it. Feels like a totally different house and I'm happily embracing the change.



-I think Harrison has an imaginary friend. He's been talking about "Mimi" a ton lately and I have no idea who this person is. He just says all this random stuff about her and then laughs, and sometimes it seems like he's talking TO her. I don't have any experience with imaginary friends so I thought it was really strange. But apparently it's pretty common? I sure hope so...I don't want my child to become that kid, if you know what I mean. :)


-I just realized the other day that my body has been sustaining the life of another human being for over 3 years straight without a single break in between. I got pregnant with Harrison in February 2009, nursed him until I found out I was pregnant with Harper, had her in May 2011, and am still nursing her. No wonder my poor body looks and feels as bad as it does, sheesh! And I still can't believe Harper is now older than Harrison was when I got pregnant with her. It seems like so long ago that he was that little.

Harrison, 9 months

-When I went back to my blog archives just now to get the above picture of Harrison, I saw an entire post dedicated to a plate of nachos. I had to laugh because I wrote it the week before finding out I was pregnant with Harper. The week before I found out I was pregnant with Harrison I distinctly remember a shameful encounter with a block of cheese. I was putting groceries up when all of the sudden I couldn't contain my need to devour some of the cheddar deliciousness. I ripped open the package and just started chomping it straight off the block...apparently my fetuses (feti?) have a strong love for cheese. I have no idea where they get that from.


-Harper has dragon talons for fingernails and she is brutal with them. If you get within her reach you can pretty much expect to have chunks of your skin ripped off. She doesn't discriminate though -- the poor child attacks herself as well. She does it mostly when she's really tired. I've gone in to check on her to find her face and ears and sheets bloody...if that's not fighting sleep I don't know what is!


-Speaking of fighting sleep -- her strong protest of naps is no secret. She sits in there and cries and it is so pitiful. Apparently it's pretty exhausting as well because I have caught her 3 times now within the last week where she's fallen asleep sitting up. Talk about one stubborn little girl. Cute, but stubborn!




-Harrison told his very first knock-knock joke recently. I think the humor was lost on him but boy did I get a good chuckle. I'm thinking he may have heard the punchline a few times in his life? Just maybe?

H: Knock-knock.
Me: Who's there?
H: Harrison.
Me: Harrison who?
H: Harrison, go to time out!


-Harrison likes spaghetti. Well, to be more accurate, Harrison likes spaghetti 50% of the time. But he really liked it the other night. It didn't take us long to figure out that Harper likes spaghetti, too. And I know it will be hard but please don't be jealous of my fine china.





-Sickness lingers :(




-But we've taken a couple breaks from house arrest to venture down to the park for some fresh air. Oh how I love spring days!













-Garage door is opening as I type. Good night!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

10 Months


My baby is 10 months old today!




She weighs 19lbs, 2oz.

She is about 27 1/2 inches long.


So Harper, what have you been up to this month?


I feel like you have grown and changed so much since last month!

You are now officially a crawler. It has opened up a new world for both you and me. I can see the delight in your eyes at the prospect of freedom and exploration...but for me...well, I'm not entirely ready for this just yet! Our house is already baby-proofed but there are little things that I'd forgotten about since your brother outgrew them. Like how this morning while I was fixing breakfast you managed to taste some of Sadie's dog food before dumping the bowl upside down. And then as soon as I took that away you crawled into the laundry room and dumped the entire bowl of water all over yourself and the floor. You, my dear, thought that was pretty funny. I thought that maybe we shouldn't have sold the baby gates in the garage sale last weekend after all ;)





You are also pulling up to stand. All this mobility and independence...what am I going to do with you? You definitely seem like such a big girl to me now and I'm not ready to let go of my baby!

Just look at her -- she's becoming less of a baby and more like a little person. The nerve!

You learned two more words since last month. In addition to Dada, you now say hi and....wait for it....Mama! You love to give big cheesy grins and wave and say hi to people and I finally heard you say mama for the first time tonight. Certainly made my day!

Hi, Momma!

Your appetite has picked up a little. Baby food is still hit or miss but you are loving table food. And now that you are eating more food your reflux has finally gotten so much better!!! Can I get a big fat hallelujah?!? You are nursing 4 times a day (and unfortunately there is often a 5th or even 6th session added in there at night) and I give you 3 solid meals a day (which you sometimes chow down and other times want nothing to do with).

Something tells me she's getting plenty of nutrition ;)

You are still not sleeping very well. You are doing a little better at night lately and did sleep all the way through 2 times in the last couple of weeks (which you have only done a handful of times since you were 4 months old). But as for naps? Ha. You average about only 30 minutes a day. Now that you can pull yourself up in your crib it has been a little easier of a battle for me though. You still cry but since you can look around and play it's more of a whiny cry than your blood-curdling variety and doesn't affect me nearly as badly. You are sleepy but are so stubborn. A funny story: a few days ago after 30 minutes of crying I finally heard silence and peeked in at you. You had fallen asleep sitting up (crying) and you had fallen face first onto your bumper and had both arms through the rails. It was seriously cute...I tried to get a picture but before I could get my camera out you, in your typical Harper fashion, had woken up after 5 minutes of sleep. Ha!

Why would I sleep when there's a chance I could miss something exciting?!

You have had a rough couple of months being sick. Since being in the hospital you have been to urgent care and the doctor 4 times due to respiratory issues. We've been giving you steroid nebulizer treatments every night for the last month and have had to add albuterol back in this week because you are sick again. I was reading through the rx insert and saw that a really common side effect to albuterol is rapid heart beat, jitteryness, and inability to rest/sleep and I wonder if this is why you are not sleeping very well. I just hate seeing you feel so bad and pray every day that God will heal you and that you will grow out of all this scary yuckiness.

Enough with the lung drama already. I have much better things to do...like eat dog food and chase my silly brother!

Your little personality is shining through more and more each day and I'm enjoying every second of it!













Harper, I won't lie and tell you I'm not exhausted to my core most days. But I also painfully realize that these precious moments of your babyhood will soon be coming to an end. I am tired and worn out but much more importantly I am incredibly fortunate to spend these crazy days with you and your brother.  You enrich my heart and soul far more than any peaceful tranquility could ever even come close to doing. Sleep is extremely overrated. A very sweet and very loved baby girl taught me that!

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