Monday, August 31, 2015

Movie Monday: Little Hiccups

This baby hiccups about 4-5 times a day for about 5 minutes each time. My other 2 did as well. I love feeling them, but I've always wondered if a lot of hiccups in utero is correlated to how much they reflux when they are born. I reeeeally hope not. I would love to have just 1 baby who doesn't spit up constantly. We will soon see, I guess. Either way, I sure do love this little girl growing in my belly and feeling her move all day long!





Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Harrison's Birth Story

I started this blog the day I found out I was pregnant with Harrison, but I never shared his birth story. With him starting kindergarten and with me about to go through birth again, I've been reminiscing a lot about the day I became a mama and want to get it documented here on the blog. Not that I'll ever forget it, but so that it will be in writing for him to have one day if he ever wants to read it.

He was due on Thanksgiving day in 2009. Which I believe was 11/26. I was working full time up until that week and was MISERABLE. I'm learning that I'm just not one of those women whose body is cut out for pregnancy. Plus, we make big babies with giant heads. A big baby on a size 2 frame is not a good mix. I spent the last month unable to sleep or eat or breathe. Which miiiight be a minor exaggeration, but still. You get the point. My HG had also returned so along with terrible heartburn I was also vomiting again. I slept in a recliner that we borrowed from a friend because my back hurt so much. I counted down every single day until my maternity leave and felt like it would never get here. Working 50 hours a week plus commuting almost 3 hours a day was not pleasant when I was so miserable. And then Thanksgiving week arrived!!!! Finally!!! But....still no Harrison.

I tried everything to get that kid out of me. Rick googled every old wives' tale but none of them worked. I even walked a few miles at the Nutcracker Market trying to get labor going, but nope. Thanksgiving came and went. And I'm pretty sure I was not the most pleasant person to be around at that point. The last week of my pregnancy I was in a dark place. I was one of the naive ones who thought that surely my baby was going to come early and when he didn't, I was not. happy. Every hour felt like days and I'm pretty sure I was breathing fire at anyone who attempted to even look in my general direction :)


Last belly shots

Harrison, GET OUT ALREADY!

And as a side note, I didn't get a single stretch mark...until my very last few days of pregnancy. Which was a week past my due date. Go figure. Such a stubborn boy!

I had a doctor appointment the following week on 12/1. My OB knew how miserable I was and called the hospital and let them know he was sending me over because he though he heard some heart decels. He winked at me as he mentioned the heart decels part. If I didn't love him before then, I certainly did at that moment ;) He was on call all that night and knew how much I wanted to be sure I had my own doctor at delivery, so he was trying to make sure that happened. So, I left his office and headed across the street to the hospital where they began monitoring me. I was dilated to a 4 and while they didn't hear any decelerations (wink wink), an ultrasound showed he was measuring in the 90th percentile and also that my amniotic fluid was low. The nurse turned to me and said, "looks like you'll be having a baby today!" And my heart rate SHOT up. Ha!

Rick was a mess. It was very entertaining. He was so flustered and obsessed with the fact that we didn't have our hospital bag with us, so he wanted to go get it. I told him we could easily get my mom to go grab it, but it was really bothering him, so off he went. Pretty bad timing, because they started the pitocin right after he left. If you have never had pitocin, it is a drug straight from hell! I started instantly having back labor and was literally in tears from the pain. My contractions were so strong and I didn't have a break in between them. Thankfully my mom was there (since my husband was MIA worried about the damn hospital bag) and I remember telling her I had NO idea how she managed natural child birth with no drugs because I seriously felt like I was dying!

Thankfully the anesthesiologist showed up soon after to give me my epidural. Which unlike pitocin, is a drug straight from heaven. Leading up to birth I was so anxious about getting an epidural. I was extremely needle shy (which is not the case anymore since having kids and getting poked and prodded a bajillion times) and the thought of a needle in my back was incredibly intimidating. But in the moment I welcomed that doctor with open arms and begged him to stick that needle in my back. Ha! I felt a million times better after the epidural and was able to relax and even joke around with friends and family (Rick eventually showed back up with the bag, in case you were wondering. lol).

my mom and me...after the gift of an epidural :)

Ashley...this girl dropped everything and drove 2 hours just to be here when he arrived. She slept on the chairs in the waiting room. That is a committed friend right there!

At some point (I can't remember if it was before the epidural or after), Dr. Klein came by to break my water. After that it only took about 8 hours to dilate the rest of the way to a 10. I was nervous but at least not in any pain. Rick, however, was snoring on the couch next to me. We have total opposite personalities, obviously. Haha. Between sleeping and freaking out, Rick was a mess. Poor first time dads...it's a lot for them! Thankfully my mama was in there with us because she was really nurturing and knew exactly what to say and do.

When it was time to push, my epidural had worn off enough to where I could feel the contractions and knew when it was time to do my job. It took about an hour of pushing before he made his debut. They brought out a mirror and I promptly told them to take it away. I've witnessed firsthand my best friend's babies being born and I can truly say it is an amazing thing to see, but when it's your own lady bits in the mirror it's just too much to handle. :) Rick swore all along that he did not want to see anything below my waist, but the nurse convinced him to take a peek and then he couldn't look away. I remember the look of amazement in his eyes and it still makes me tear up picturing it. I remember him telling me, "he has lots of hair!" I remember the doctor saying his head was out. I remember that last little push and how I immediately felt like my old self again. I remember hearing his first cries and the doctor commenting that he was a big boy. I remember him being placed on my chest and falling in love instantly. That sounds cheesy, but it was so true.

Born on 12/2 at 4:05am

 I was crying and laughing at the same time because the very first thing I noticed about him was his cowlick. Rick and I had joked my entire pregnancy about which features he might inherit and I always told him that I didn't care what he looked like as long as he didn't get his daddy's stubborn cowlick. Hahaha. Harrison's cowlick is about 1000x more stubborn but it is absolutely one of my favorite things about him!






Dr. Klein delivered my placenta and held it up for me to see. So gross! Then he got busy stitching me up, because thanks to my kid's ginormous head, I had 3rd degree tearing. Yep, I was lucky enough to be in that 3% statistic group. Suuuuper fun! The rest of our 2 days in the hospital was kind of a blur. Lots of visitors came by. I don't think I slept more than an hour. Not because he was crying, but because I was afraid if I went to sleep he would stop breathing or something. I'm a very rational person like that. Plus, I was just in awe of him and couldn't stop staring at the perfect little baby that was just given to us.

this view is how you fall in love with your husband even more than you thought was possible
Harrison meeting his mamaw

Rick took a picture of this pull out bed because he wanted it documented how uncomfortable it was. I MEAN, REALLY? Poor, poor pitiful man. It's awful everything he had to go through.

Katie

Lindsay

Allen & Jon

My brother in the front and a former coworker on the left

Beda with her first grandchild

I wish I could smell him through this picture. So yum.
What I wouldn't give to be able to hold him as a newborn one last time

throwing up gang signs

It snowed the day we left! Pretty big deal in Houston. He slept through all of it though.

Getting ready to leave. He didn't fit in the going home outfit I bought him so we had to go to Plan B.

not a fan of the car seat!

Harrison, meeting you was one of the best days of my life. I look back with such fondness on our birth experience together. You made me a mommy and have taught me and grown me SO much since that cold December day I met you. Love you BIG!

Monday, August 24, 2015

A Big Day

I have a lot to catch up on. My heart has not been ready to sit down and document everything because it's been somewhat of a hard summer for us. So I haven't been very eager to sit down and blog about it all.

But today, there is no getting around it. It's a milestone day, and milestone days definitely deserve time here on the blog.







My baby boy started kindergarten! 

I went back and deleted that exclamation point and traded it out for a period. And then I changed it back and forth a few times before finally settling on an exclamation point, because clearly I have issues and am far too analytical. I am truly excited for him and am happy that he's embarking on this new and fun journey.  But I don't feel like that exclamation point accurately conveys the emotions I'm feeling inside. I am a hot freaking mess. I know it's normal to have all of The Feelings on this day. I just didn't know The Feelings would be so intense or so hard to articulate into words.

I feel excitement.
I feel sadness.
I feel relief.
I feel regret.
I feel unsettled.
I feel completely fine...but still find my eyes filling up with tears out of nowhere. 

It's not just that I miss him. I mean, of course I miss him when he's not here (most times, ha!). But it's more than just his absence. It's that an entire chapter of our lives is over and it both went by painfully slow at times and extremely way too fast all at the same time. It's knowing that that time is gone forever and questioning if I made the most of it or appreciated it enough while we were there. It's filling out the last page of his baby book and looking through old pictures and knowing that I'll never kiss those chubby baby cheeks again, or sweep that long blonde hair out of his eyes, or hear the sweet inflection in his voice when he asked a million "why's". It's grieving the end of the only season of life I have ever known as a momma and entering into new, unknown territory. It's worrying about how he's adjusting, and whether he's making friends, and whether he's having fun or feeling scared. It's the tangible evidence that my baby is growing up and that I have no choice but to let go. I hate letting go. It really, really sucks.

The Feelings tricked me this morning. I've been feeling them on and off for the last couple of months as my heart was preparing for this day. And then this day got here and I threw all my focus into how excited I am for him. He's been having a lot of really bad separation anxiety this summer, which if you know Harrison, you know how completely out of character that is for him. I've been so worried about how drop off was going to go, so we've been really talking up how fun Kindergarten is. Rick was home this morning and we all had a nice breakfast together. He kept saying his tummy felt scared so we prayed for him and encouraged him. I let him pick out his own outfit and he chose a "soldier" shirt so he would be brave when he felt scared. As we parked and walked into his school he commented that his tummy felt weird and so we had a conversation about butterflies. I had them in mine, too. We got to his classroom and he was a little shy at first. He gave his teacher her gift and then found his seat. We took a few pictures and hugged him goodbye and I waited for the huge freak out...but it never came! This was a HUGE answered prayer because he has had epic meltdowns this summer when we tried dropping him off at church or camp and even bolted on a few occasions. But not today. He looked over his shoulder and waved and just said, "Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad." Instead of feeling sad I felt a huge relief that there were no tears and I thought that I had escaped The Feelings. I went to a Mom's in Prayer meeting and still felt fine. I got teary-eyed a couple of times but no big deal. And then I got home and completely lost my crap! As I'm typing this I'm a blubbering mess with mascara running down my face and Harper is looking at me like, "whoa...who died?" Ha.

So I'm really just rambling at this point. Before I go I want to say something to my favorite little guy. Harrison, you are a rock star. I love you so fiercely that it hurts. You are definitely not the easiest child to parent and we butt heads a lot. But I wouldn't change a single thing about you. God intricately designed your personality with purpose and intention and I pray that my shortcomings as a mom don't interfere with that design. I pray that God uses me to develop a strong foundation of discipline and self-control in you but that I also nurture and love you with gentleness and patience.

As we were having breakfast this morning you randomly said the following: "One of the leaders at Creek Kids told me that her parents don't know who God is. That makes me have this really sad feeling in my heart. We should pray for all the people in the world to know about God and how great He is."

Amen, Hare-Bear. He IS a great God! I'm so thankful that He reminded me that I don't need to worry about you nearly as much as I do. You have a tender heart and a smart head on your shoulders and I just know you're going to grow up to do great things with your life. 


Thursday, August 13, 2015

28 Weeks

Well, I'm officially in my third trimester! I got an email telling me I've now been pregnant for 200 days. 200 days of nausea and vomiting and other really unsexy things. I consider that quite an accomplishment! I only have about 2 1/2 more months to go.

I started feeling a lot better around 24 weeks. I graduated from food poisoning status to more of a hangover status. Which is what I guess to be what normal morning sickness is. I don't ever feel really good but I am functioning and getting out of the house and I EVEN COOKED DINNER ONCE!!! It was a crockpot meal, but I cooked it! I gagged when I touched the meat, but I cooked it! And I have begun nesting, which is fabulous because when I was in the throes of severe hyperemesis I did not care one tiny bit if this baby was born with not a single thing prepared for her.  It feels so good to finally be able to find joy in the planning and preparation for this sweet girl.

The last week or two I've regressed some though. I even lost a couple of pounds since my last doctor visit. I don't know if it's just HG being stubborn and trying to keep me down, or if I've been pushing myself too hard when I finally started feeling somewhat human again, or the fact that it's 110 degrees outside, or maybe a combination of all of the above. I told Rick last night that I don't even remember what it feels like to be my normal, healthy self. I sure do miss her! I had the same feeling when I was pregnant with Harrison. And I remember so distinctly how quickly it all went away when he was born. The moment I pushed him out and they placed him on my chest, I immediately felt like my old self again. Not one ounce of nausea left. It was the craziest thing. And I cannot wait for that feeling again this time. Don't get me wrong, this baby girl is worth every minute of this misery, but man I'm ready to feel good again!

 

My appointment this week was the super fun glucose test. Gotta love fasting and then having to chug that nasty drink and willing yourself to not throw it back up. And since I'm RH negative I also got my rhogam shot in the butt so it made it even more fun :) My belly is measuring on track and my next appointment I'll have an ultrasound to check her position and growth. And then it's getting close to decision time on whether I'm going to have a VBAC or a planned c-section. I am still going back and forth on that and have a lot of praying to do about it before I decide. I know a lot of women feel empowered by making these types of decisions for themselves but I kind of wish I didn't have to be the one to choose. I'm feeling a little anxious about it all and reading the consent form with all the risks associated to both methods definitely did NOT help!


27w5d belly shot

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 28 weeks

Size of baby: 14.8 inches long and 2 1/4 lbs.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 19 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: This is kind of a sore subject today. I actually had to go out and buy more maternity clothes because I have outgrown the majority of the ones I already have. Rick literally had to pry my jeans off me last night because I couldn't get them off by myself. It was a sexy moment, for sure. Outgrowing elastic waist maternity jeans is not good for the ego, let me tell ya. Ha! But in reality, I can laugh about it. I have always been really skinny (and insecure about it) and struggled gaining weight on my hips and butt, so it's actually kind of nice to finally have a little junk back there :)

Gender: A girl. And I think we've finally decided on a name! I'll share soon in another post.

Movement: I'm kind of hoping her movement is not an indication of how she's going to be outside of the womb, because Baby Girl is nuts in there! I was sitting at Karate and some strangers sitting next to me noticed my belly bouncing around. Her kicks and somersaults are eye catching. I need to take a video of it. 

Sleep: Pretty good! Waking up a few times to pee but haven't had any issues falling back asleep right away.

What I miss: Not feeling like crap every day!

Cravings: I haven't had too many cravings this pregnancy. Ice cream is still what always sounds so good, but always makes me feel terrible so I'm finally learning to just say no.

Symptoms: Nausea/vomiting, pelvis pain (but SOOO much better since going to the chiropractor regularly), chloasma on my face, and just in the last week I've started getting really bad heartburn.

Best Moment this week: Realizing I'm in the third trimester! Boo yeah! 

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