Laugh, Scream, or Cry?

Do you know what my New Year's Resolution was last year? It was to have a healthier year. HA. 3 hospitalizations, a broken arm, and countless other issues later, I learned real quick not to test God by making my own plans for my family's health. But then as this year rang in, I found myself pleading with Him again. Surely we'll catch a break this year, God. You'll throw us a bone in 2015, right?

It could be soooo much worse. I know that. When I find myself frustrated or bitter over yet another medical issue or doctor appointment or hospital bill in the mail, I do stop and remind myself that we have nothing to complain about. We have been abundantly blessed. I try to refocus my thoughts and emotions and lift those up in prayer who are facing far worse circumstances. 

But if I'm being honest, sometimes I do just want to cry. I feel like we have been going through a long season of testing and I also feel like I suck at it. Can't I just pass the dang test already? I'm sure that the reason I'm feeling this way at this particular moment is because I'm running on fumes. I'm sick. We are in the limbo period of waiting for The Call, which in a way means our life is sort of on hold. We've been cooped up in the house for 2 weeks. It's been cold and rainy. And any time my babies are sick I feel that worry and anxiety creep in.

So now on top of the flu, it appears that Harrison might have had his first allergic reaction tonight. 

He came out of bed saying his eye felt funny. Ya think?? It was completely normal 30 minutes prior when we tucked him in. He said it didn't hurt and I didn't see any redness inside his eye indicating pink eye or any styes. I called the after hours nurse AGAIN (4th time this week...I wish I was kidding) because he had a bad reaction to medication a couple of days ago and I wanted to make sure it wasn't some sort of allergic reaction to the flu medicine. At this point, his nut allergy hadn't even crossed my mind. 

While I waited for the nurse to call me back I turned to google and social media. Where else do you go for accurate medical information, right? lol. I posted his description of symptoms and picture on a local mom's group FB page and that's when the sinking feeling hit me.

Of course I knew to take all the advice with a grain of salt, which I did. I didn't panic. But I did start to get really anxious. As you can see on the thread, I didn't take him to the ER. The Benadryl worked pretty quickly, which I'm assuming means it was definitely an allergic reaction to something. I don't know if it was nuts or not, and I'm guessing I'll never know. I'll take him to see his allergist tomorrow and get his opinion.

Right now it's 2am he's lying next to me on the couch peacefully sleeping. And yet, here I am, mind racing and heart pounding, gripped with anxiety and fear even though I can clearly see he is just fine. It's just that reading through the comments from the ladies who have had firsthand experience with food allergies was a reminder that this is something serious that we face every day, even when we get comfortable.