Monday, June 15, 2015

20 Weeks

This week marks the half way point of my pregnancy. And technically, if I'm counting days (which I so am), I'm more than halfway because I'm leaning more towards a planned c/s at 39 weeks versus a VBAC (but we'll see). Today, I am excited about this milestone! However, yesterday was a different story and I had a huge cryfest over it. My emotions are all over the place depending on how sick I am in that particular moment, and yesterday was one of my worst days in a while. Milestones are hard with HG because of the hope/expectations you associate with them. When I was suffering through my darkest days, I would try to think ahead and look forward to the point where I would finally have some relief. 20 weeks seemed SOOOOO far away. And now that it's here, I'm both grateful that I've made it this far and also disappointed and discouraged that I'm still feeling so sick. It's becoming more and more likely that I may feel like this for the entire pregnancy and that is hard to accept. Because while 20 weeks is a long way to have come, 20 more weeks to go feels incredibly daunting. I'm still praying that I'll find relief but I'm also trying to keep my expectations realistic. I'm trying to stay positive and remain thankful for the good days I have in between the bad because I am so very thankful...but it's still hard to keep a good attitude when you feel like crap all the time.

I am doing much better than I was before I started on the steroids. I'm throwing up way less and gaining some weight back. But I'm still getting sick a few times a day and feel almost constant nausea. The meds I'm on make me so tired and groggy and I find myself wanting to sleep a lot more, which is very out of character for me because I hate naps and I'm used to operating on 6 hours max of sleep a night. I'm getting out of the house more but am still really limited in what I can do or how long I can last. I'm worthless in the heat, which is also out of character for me because I'm one of the weird ones who actually loves our hot Texas summers.

It's been hard not to make any real summer plans. The kids are in VBS this week and we are talking about signing them up for evening karate and dance classes, but other than that I've had to resist the urge to fill up our calendar like we usually love to do in the summer. We had to cancel our camping vacation with friends last month and also had to skip the Kenny Chesney concert that we've had tickets for since Christmas...and if you know me then I'm sure you can imagine my intense grief over that!!!! We also had to cancel plans to visit family and friends in Oklahoma because just the thought of that many hours in the car makes me gag a little. We are still hoping for a short getaway at some point this summer since the kids are at great ages to go and do fun things. We wanted to make a few last memories as a family of 4 before life changes with a new baby and before our oldest baby starts kinder. But for now we aren't pulling the trigger on anything. No matter how much fun a vacation sounds in my head I know realistically it won't be any fun at all if I'm not feeling better. So we wait and pray and have had to come to terms with the fact that it's probably not going happen.

19 week belly shot

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 20 weeks

Size of baby: 6 1/2 inches from crown to rump. About the length of a banana.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I am finally back at 0

Maternity Clothes: Mostly maternity. I can still fit into my regular bottoms but prefer the maternity shorts with the stretchy belly panels on them instead. Super sexy!!

Gender: Baby H is a girl...although her name is still undecided

Movement: I'm feeling lots of kicks and nudges. Rick and the kids love trying to catch her moving, too.

Sleep: Still having a hard time falling asleep at night and having a hard time getting up in the morning but I'm about to change my med schedule to see if that helps.

What I miss: Feeling like a normal person and doing normal things...I have sworn not to take any of it for granted in the future

Cravings: I finally had my first craving in the last couple of weeks -- salad! It feels SO good to be able to eat more healthy foods lately. It doesn't always end well but at least I'm getting it in!

Symptoms: Not much change from last time. Still lots of nausea and vomiting. The hypersalivation has eased up some and I'm able to drink more liquids so I'm super thankful for that!

Best Moment this week: Making it to the halfway mark

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