Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Letting go. {deep breath}

My MIL began planting the seed a few weeks ago, slyly asking if I'd be willing to let Harrison come for a visit soon, 170 miles away. Immediately I thought absolutely not!, because HELLO, this is my baby we're talking about and why in the world would she ever want to take my baby from me??? And not to mention the very valid concerns about his safety and general well-being. I mean, how can I prevent a car accident if I'm not in the car (because, duh, it is far less likely to happen if I'm riding in the vehicle with him)?  How can I be sure he gets adequate portions of veggies and whole milk and not too much junk food? And what if she forgets to give him his blankies and bear and doesn't know that he now requires a ridiculous number of binkies to fall asleep at night? And omg, what if she can't figure out which shirt goes with which shorts even though I strategically packed the coordinating outfits together?! For the LOVE, why is she doing this to me?!?!

No, I'm not being melodramatic at all.

And yes, I annoy even myself sometimes.

But come on! My fears and concerns are totally rational. Who does this lady think she is, anyway?  It's not like she's raised 2 kids of her own and lives and breathes for her grandkids. What makes her think that she is anywhere near competent enough to keep my baby for a few days? Just because she took care of him for several weeks straight while I was in the hospital does not mean that she is capable now, over a month later. Anybody knows she could have totally lost her marbles between then and now. And just because simply at the mention of her name he runs to the front door looking for her excitedly exclaiming Mamaw? Mamaw?! and absolutely adores her and will have the time of his life and probably won't miss me even a teeny tiny bit DOES NOT MEAN that I should have to let go of my baby. Because as soon as I begin to let go of my baby, he will begin to grow up, and I'm just not ready for that to happen. Like I said, I'm being completely rational here, people!

Sigh.

Well, I did it. I wasn't sure if I would actually be able to go through with it, but I did it. I choked back tears, gave my son a kiss goodbye, and sent him with his grandma for a few days. It's the first time he's ever stayed anywhere overnight without me. I wasn't ready for him to go, but I'm not sure I ever would be.



The Kidnapper and her accomplice. Tracye, I gotta admit, I never expected this kind of betrayal from you of all people.
Oh the cuteness of these three boys. Doesn't he look sad to be going with his cousins and leaving his fun and hip mom behind? He's going to miss me. He's going to miss me. He IS going to miss me, right?

And we can't forget about this little sweetheart. Even though she was also in on the Amber Alert Conspiracy.

I made it back into my car before the lump in my throat got the best of me. I gave myself a few minutes to pull myself back together, then headed out of the parking lot. I pulled up to the light and guess who was beside me? The getaway vehicle harboring my son and his abductors. Tracye rolled the back window down so I could get in one last goodbye. The image of that cute toddler face smiling back at me from behind his bobo and the chubby hand sticking out of the window waving bye-bye as they drove off will stick with me forever. He IS growing up. And I guess it might not be entirely my MIL's fault after all.

I'm so going to miss my Hare-Bear. But I know he will have a blast and I know he will be well taken care of. And I'm really looking forward to spending some sweet one-on-one time with my little Harper because that kind of quality time with her is scarce with a toddler in the house. And maybe we'll even finally be able to tackle some neglected projects around here. It's going to be very, very strange to have so much "free time." <---- I now realize just how subjective that term is now that I'm in probably the busiest season of life right now, ha!

Wow, it sure is quiet around here without Bubba.



4 comments:

Tienna said...

Oh, Kelsey, you sure know how to lighten my mood. Thanks for sharing this! And Mary, maybe you should tell Kelsey every night that Harrison screams and cries for her for hours every night before bedtime (even if it's not exactly *cough* true). :)

Melanie said...

haha--So funny. Go Mary and Tracye--I love good baby felons! Have fun with your sweet Harper!

Tracye said...

:) I LOVE YOU, KELSEY!!!

I waited for you to leave first, thinking you wouldn't want to see your baby being ripped from your arms and driving away... but you wouldn't go!!! I thought you were probably... ummm... letting some tears go.

He waved to you all the way down the highway. I'd turn around, and he'd be waving some more. It was really sweet.

I'm so sorry to betray you!!!

He'll be well taken care of, and will have a blast. His cousins are already giving him their teddy bears. It's sweet!

Enjoy all the alone time with that baby! I didn't get much with Cavan, and I really missed out. See you soon! It will be over before you know it.

Anonymous said...

thank you for suffering for us. we had a great time.. he did miss you both and thanks for the time today. we enjoyed your visit even though you took my buddy... lonesome already... love that boy... puppies are glad everyone is gone... sleeping on the floor next to papaw.. see you soon love u all.. ma

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