Being a stay-at-home mom there are some days where my deepest conversations are with my three year old. Even though I'll admit that the millions of whys and nos and non-stop jabbering in the car can be a little maddening at times, I'm also so enjoying it. I love seeing how his mind works. It's refreshing to have a toddler's perspective on things. He can be so sweet and kind and on rare occasion when he's not being so sweet and kind, he knows just when to inject the right amount of humor to deflect attention from his momentary lapse in judgment. He's definitely got the charm.
Like tonight. I love our conversations when it's just the two of us. Harper was already asleep and Rick is working late and I took extra long to tuck him in. I feel like it's our time to redeem the tough parts of our day. Time that I can devote my undivided attention to him. I was rocking him and singing to him and just looking at his beautiful face, knowing all too well that these moments of rocking him and singing to him are numbered. Oh how I sometimes wish I could just freeze time. There are some moments that are permanently embedded in your memory...and then there are the moments in between that you try desperately to cling to, but no matter how hard you try you know that they will eventually slip away. One of the memories I will always hold dear to my heart is the moment I became a mom. I was telling him the story and it went something like this:
Me: I remember when you were born and the doctor put you in my arms just like this. I was so happy and I fell in love with you instantly! The first thing I noticed about you was your stubborn little cowlick. You were so itty bitty and look at you now. You're huge! Why do you keep growing up on me?
Him: I was born on earth but I want to live in heaven with God and Jesus. It makes me so very sad that I'm not there.
Hold up. WHAT? Not sure where in the world that came from but how rewarding it is to have these types of conversations with my child. I know that he doesn't really "get it" yet but to know that at least a seed is planted is such an encouragement. And maybe he's the one that really DOES "get it." I was amazed at how his two sweet little sentences had such wisdom in them. I was convicted by how much my focus is on this world. Do I truly long to be in heaven with God and Jesus? I should. But the answer to that is uglier than I'd like to admit. I love how God continues to use my children to work on my heart.
Me: (seriously fighting back the urge to tell him he's not allowed to go to Heaven before me): I do too! But the good news is that we WILL get to go to heaven one day! We just have to put our faith in Jesus. He loves us all so much and that's why he came to earth to save us.
Him: I do believe in Jesus. That was a nice thing he did to help us. Thank you God and Jesus for doing that!
Me: That's also why it's important to obey God and serve him. To show him that we love him and that we are thankful.
Him: What does "serve" mean?
Me: It means to be humble and do work for somebody. To think about others and put them ahead of ourselves.
Him: Why do some kids not have toys? (we have been having these conversations lately as we've gone through and donated some of our old toys and clothes)
Me: That's a hard question. But what I do know is that everything we have, God gave us. He blesses us so we can bless others. Some people don't have toys, so we should share ours. Some people don't have enough food, so we should share ours.
Him: But I don't want to share my grilled cheeses or my strawberries or my blueberries. Just my vegetables.
I love this kid so much I could just eat him up. I know he's going to grow up and I know I'll love him just the same and that every stage after this one will be just as fun and exciting. But I just want to hold onto these little moments so badly.