That Boy

Harrison's birthday is on Sunday. It's his birthday week and even though he's spending a couple of days with his grandparents 3 hours away and I miss him like crazy, I have been celebrating nonetheless. I say it every year but I think I enjoy my kids' birthdays even more than mine! I've been working on party preparations and his birthday shirt and today I got all sappy going through pictures of him and thought it would be an appropriate time for me to devote a blog post to my almost-3-year old and some of the forgotten stories and mischief that he's found himself in over the last several months. I've been a terrible blogger but thankfully I have pictures and a some scribbled notes in my planner to help me document his adventures.

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Here are just a few of the hilarious things that have come out of his mouth:

Me: I'm not a jungle gym.
H: No, you're not Jungle Jim, you're Jungle Mommy!

H: The mosquitoes are not good listeners. They keep biting me and that's not very nice.

H: Don't let me to fall! (every time we drive on an overpass)

H: Mommy, I'm driving! Ride with me. (in his cozy coupe car)
Me: Okay. Where are you driving me?
H: Ummm... (looking thoughtful) I'm driving you crazy!

He came out of his bedroom when he was supposed to be having quiet time (he no longer naps). I sent him back to his room and he obviously objected:
H: Mommy! Come talk to me! I want to tell you a story! MOMMY!!! MOOOOMMMMMYYYY!! Crazy girl, you're not listening to me. Crazy grown-up, you're not listening to me and that is "disapectful" to me!  

I was changing Harper's diaper and she was crying:
H: Does Harper have diaper rash?
Me: Yes, baby, she does.
H: We should pray for her. Dear God, thank you for my food, and my commandments, Amen! Oh, and Dear God, please heal Harper's diaper rash and draw us closer to you. Amen! 
  
Harrison started sleepwalking a couple of months ago and usually winds up coming into our room at some point during the night. Rick and I were still awake this particular night:
H: (opens door looking wide awake and as serious as can be) I just saw a dog-bird! It has wings (flaps his arms). I told it, 'hi, dog-bird, how are you doing?' and the dog-bird said, 'woof-woof!' (and then he climbed up in our bed and fell immediately back to sleep)

I sat down to eat dinner with the kids (Rick was working late) and Harrison looked at me and asked, Sooo, how is your day "doing"?  (Usually that's what Rick and I say to each other when we first sit down, except we use the right word :)

H: What's that? (points to a blemish on my face)
Me: A pimple.
H: Oh. I don't like your pimple, Mom. 
Me: Gee, thanks! That's not very nice to say.
H: But I DO like your moles. Can I touch your mole, Mommy? (He talks about/laughs at/tries to touch them pretty much every day. How weird and creepy is that??) :)  
 
H: I wish I could go to heaven and show God my rocket.
Me: That's sweet! But God already sees it. He sees and hears everything. He's with us all the time. 
H: Oh, okay. I just told him about my rocket, Mommy. 
Me: Good, honey! What did he say?
H: He said, 'I don't hear you, Harrison!' 

H: (In the middle of Walmart)  My penis is big! I want my penis to go back down!!! (and starts crying. Did I mention this was in the middle of Walmart??)

H: Um, Mommy? I have a question. All mommies are monsters, right?

H: I'm a cowboy, Harper is a cowgirl, and you are a...cowgrown-up!

H: Mom, will you please put some of that soap on your face? 
Me: What? This? No, this is makeup, honey. (I was about to touch up my powder)
H: Oh. Will you please put that makeup on your face?
Me: Why?
H: Because your face is messed up.

H: Are those your boobies?  (looks down my shirt)
Me: We don't say 'boobies.' They are called breasts and they are for feeding babies. 
H: I'm going to call them 'lemons' because your boobies look like lemons. (UMMM, WHAT?!?! So flattering, right?)

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Thankfully I DON'T have a picture of this next story but I will NEVER forget it as long as I live.  We had to make a quick trip to Hobby Lobby about 5 or 6 months ago. (I've since sworn to myself that I will never, ever, ever go to Hobby Lobby with kids in tow, but that's another story for another day). Well, mother nature gave me a surprise in the form of a monthly cycle and I had to head to the restrooms pronto. Luckily I was able to wheel the cart into the handicap stall since I had both kids with me. I gave Harrison my phone to distract him but he was not buying it. Instead, he was quite curious about certain private business that included a tampon and was not at all concerned that there was a lady in the stall next to us as he began shouting, Mommy, what are you doing? What is that? I told him it was nothing and tried to distract him but he wouldn't give up. Yes it is, Mommy! I see it! What is that? MOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING UP YOUR BUTT?!?! Um, yeah. Mortified doesn't even begin to describe how I felt in that moment. I patiently waited for the lady (who stayed completely silent during the whole ordeal...not even one chuckle) to finish up and leave the restroom because I was not prepared to show my face. Hopefully she knew it was a tampon and that I was not in fact trying to shoplift things in my butt. Haha! 

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He figured out the child locks a long time ago. He does a pretty good job of following the rule of asking an adult for food instead of getting it for himself. But sometimes it's just a little too tempting for the little guy. I've caught him several times up in the middle of the night raiding the refrigerator. Luckily our fridge has an alarm and beeps if it's been open for more than 60 seconds. When I hear it going off I usually walk in to find him sitting in the floor with a pile of cheese, ha! And the first time I caught him in the pantry, this is what I found:

Harrison, meet Strawberry Nesquik.

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One day we were in the playroom and he disappeared for a minute. Apparently a minute is all he needs to round up deadly weapons because he came back in and ran over to Harper saying, "I'm going to give Sissy a hair cut!" and was inches away from stabbing her in the head with a pair of manicure scissors. 

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Here he is last summer at PeeWee School's end of year picnic. Leave it to my kid to put a cone on his head and run all over the place undeterred by lack of sight. He's quite entertaining, that boy.

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These pictures just make me laugh.

Anybody noticing a theme?

No, Mom. It's a FOOTBALL helmet, geez!

peekaboo!

Always performing

Mad scientist

Why yes, Harrison! I would LOVE it if you went through our dresser and then embarrass us in front of company!

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And these pictures prove that even though he's all boy, he is also super sweet as well.

filling up the food drive bag

Getting kicked in the face half the night is worth waking up to this face.

Joy.

I'll end with a video of Harrison giving us a concert. He is always looking for a stage to perform on and whatever object is closest immediately becomes a guitar as soon as he hears music. This video was from July so it's a little dated but it belongs on my blog for sure. You are dead inside if you don't find yourself smiling at his rendition of God Bless America. :)





Love that kid!