Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Ramblings

I got out my laptop thinking I should write an update, but I don't really know what to write so I guess we'll just see where this goes.

I am still feeling pretty miserable but I did have a hopeful OB appointment last week. I have the best doctor and he's always so sympathetic and encouraging -- we are pretty tight after my placenta previa drama I went through with Harper. First of all, I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It made me cry. That beautiful heartbeat is worth every moment of this awful experience. Now that I'm at the end of my first trimester my doctor feels comfortable putting me on steroids. My case is considered refactory HG, which is basically a fancy way of saying I don't respond to oral antiemetics. I've tried Diclegis, Zofran, Reglan, and Phenergan, but none have helped me keep fluids down and some have given me bad side effects. Now that I've lost almost 10% of my body weight, it's time for steroids. They help tremendously with some women and others don't notice a difference. I'm praying they do the trick for me. He also coordinated for me to be put on home health care. This took a huge weight off my shoulders since being in and out of the hospital is miserable and not at all practical or convenient when you have small kids at home. So now I will be getting IV fluids in the comfort of my own home and won't have to worry about arranging child care. We are going to try the IV route first, and if it turns out I need them long term or if my veins collapse, then I'll have a PICC line inserted. As awful as all this sounded to me at the beginning of this pregnancy, I am now actually embracing it and hopeful that it will get me over the hump. It feels so nice to have a plan in place. 

We have been overwhelmed by the love and support from family and friends. At first I was adamant about not wanting to burden anybody and I am terrible at asking for or accepting help. But as the days turned into weeks and weeks now into months, I had to get over my pride and just realize that we DO need the help. And I have been humbled to tears by everyone's willingness to jump in and take over for me. I'm sitting here crying with gratitude as I'm typing this. People have grocery shopped for us, provided countless dinners, baked goodies for the kids to snack on, helped with transportation, kept the kids on the days I couldn't even get out of bed, cleaned our house and did our laundry. We even had friends show up with a brand new deep freezer to store meals in. Even during a period where I feel like my life is standing still and the days are wasting by, God continues to teach me so much through gracious people who love us well.

I can't believe it, but my appointment next week will be the big gender test. A lot has changed since the last time I was pregnant! I will only be 13 weeks, but now they can tell the sex by a blood test component of the genetics screening. We will have to wait 7 days for the results, so that means in 2 weeks we will know if it's a boy or a girl! We are taking the kids so they can see the baby on the ultrasound and they are so excited. They talk, sing, rub, and kiss my belly several times throughout the day and I absolutely love it.

In other news, this is a busy week and I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to swing it. Harrison has his GI procedure tomorrow at Texas Children's and it requires a 2 day hospital stay. We already postponed it once when I was first hit with HG sickness, and appointments are in high demand and his doctor doesn't want him to wait much longer so we don't want to reschedule again. I have a lot of anxiety about the procedure and me not being there is not an option, so I guess I will just have to pack lots of barf bags. I don't remember the last time I updated where we were with his reflux issues. He definitely has gastroparesis and now they are trying to figure out if that is contributing to his reflux or if it's unrelated. His reflux has gotten pretty bad. His preschool was even concerned and called me about it after he was vomiting in the sink. He hasn't responded to any of the meds we've tried so now the doctor is doubting it's GERD after all. There are a few things it could be but they want to know for sure before they start treatment. So, the fun procedure that is in his future includes being sedated tomorrow morning and having a tube with sensors on it inserted into his nose down to his stomach. He will have all day tomorrow to adjust to the tube and then Thursday they will monitor the motility of his food and stomach contents. They will also be able to see which medications help while the sensors are still in. I am so worried he isn't going to want to cooperate. Last time he went under anesthesia it was very traumatic for him (and therefore me) and this time he'll be waking up with a strange tube down his throat. Ugh. I hate that he has to go through all of these digestive issues and am praying this gives us the answers to get him healthy again.

Harper is also having a birthday party this weekend. She has been talking about her birthday parties (she has the next 4 planned out in detail...I kid you not) every single night when I tuck her in for over a year now. I was so upset when I got sick because I knew there was NO way I could host a party  feeling like this. I actually cried over it (a theme of my life lately, ha) because I normally love things like that and now have zero desire to even think about any of it. Thankfully my mom offered to take over and I am so grateful. I literally have not done a single thing except order a cake and a bounce house. My mom, however, has been getting her craft on and Harper is going to be one happy little princess. It will be a very small get together and both me and my house are a mess, but I'm looking forward to seeing her huge smile and watching her blow out those 4 candles.

What else? Oh.

Dear Future Kelsey,

I've had a ton of time on my hands and have found comfort in going back through and reading about your other pregnancies and posts about your babies when they were little, because it's a great reminder of why you're currently enduring this misery. I was hoping to read that the sickness ended at 12 weeks, but nope. You SUCK at being pregnant. I want you to read this and remember in detail how terrible you are at baking babies. Because you are going to meet your newborn and feel that instant love and smell that fresh baby smell and start to think that maybe it wasn't THAT bad. Wrong. It was. And even though your babies are totally worth it, I will not hesitate to throat punch you if you ever do this to me again. It will be hard, but you must resist the baby fever.

Sincerely,
Present Kelsey






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